I predominantly fly EasyJet because my hometown in the UK is about 10 minutes’ drive from the airport and there is nothing better than everything going right with your journey and getting from Seat 21A to your parent’s cosy sofa within 30 minutes.
How much does it cost?
I generally like to book my flights as far in advance as possible as it is usually a planned event that I am going home for which is known months in advance: birthdays, weddings etc. This means that so long as I am fairly flexible on my flying times I usually pay between €70-€90. If I have to pay more than this then it’s bloody annoying but has to be done.
What about luggage?
It’s a budget airline, in fact that doesn’t even mean anything these days since even BA now charge for baggage, so you are going to have to pay more for luggage. I try to fly on cabin baggage for most of my trips over, then will book a bag one-way when I’m Berlin-bound and have lots of stuff and will book a bag both ways for Christmas.
I have a plethora of wheelie suitcases of varying degrees of fancyness but I actually find that the ultimate best thing that EasyJet let you take on board and you can cram the most stuff into is a holdall. I bought this one from a charity shop in Didsbury back in my second year at uni and it is THE BEST.
Does Marmite count as a liquid?
Yes. But confusingly I have managed to get two types of hoummous past those security people before, so it seems that there is no method to the madness.
To book a seat, or not book a seat?
Generally, no. I’m a solo flyer about 80% of the time and so for me it’s just not worth the extra €5.99 or whatever it is to choose my seat. I like to be near the front, but for the sake of €12 there and back they can put me wherever. My mum on the other hand has her preferred locations in the plane and always treats herself to a seat booking.
I you’re flying as a pair or in a group and your tickets are all made on the same booking then there isn’t any need to book your seats either because when you check in you should be allocated seats next to each other.
If you don’t book a seat then when you check in you will be automatically allocated a random seat, which means you don’t really need to take part in…
…The seat scramble
So this is a cheap airline phenomenon that I have been observing with amusement for the best part of 10 years. It used to be first-come-first-served so whoever managed to scramble up the stairs first (neither Luton nor Berlin Schönefeld have reached the ‘boarding tunnel’ stage yet) got their pick of the seats. Nowadays everyone has already been told where they are sitting, but for some reason this hasn’t done much to reduce the seat scramble.
I have observed that other passengers find it highly important to be the first on the plane. I can’t really fathom this behaviour because to me the plane journey is a bit of a nuisance and I would ideally like to spend as close to the allotted 1 hour 30 minutes on it as possible.
I think that for some the reason behind the seat madness has to do with hand luggage. Everyone has these practical little rolly suitcases which according to the aviation powers that be simply must be nestled in the overhead lockers for the duration of the flight. These passengers clearly haven’t taken my advice and got themselves a holdall (see above) because my trusty little Puma fits snugly under the seat in front of me.
This means no scrambling for me. Also it means that all my in-flight essentials are tucked just by my feet, should I find my boredom levels drop so low that I need to find my purse and fork out €5.50 for a white wine to pass the time.
The EasyJet Pluscard Holder-Speed Boarder-Brigade
These are an odd bunch. Their core conglomorate consists of world-weary businessmen who eschew the other passengers who clearly are less important than them. These are then joined by “older couples” who I can only think can’t really be doing with the frenetic budget airline lifestyle, but still want a cheap city break, so have gone somewhere down the middle by treating themselves to Speedy Boarding.
Then you get a few others making up the rest of the clan who don’t really look like they fit in at all. People like me probably who have flown EasyJet so often and are so bored with the mundanity that they treat themselves just for a change of scenery.
The things that rile me with the Easyjet Pluscard are:
a) it’s a crap name. I mean there are so many catchy little names you could christen a scheme like this with and they’ve gone for something really boring.
b) When everyone has settled down in their place and is getting ready for the safety show to talk, the head flight attendant announces on the tannoy
“Good morning ladies and gentlemen. And we would like to extend an extra special warm welcome to our EasyJet PlusCard holders.”
It just sounds so conceited and ridiculous. They may as well add on the end: “..and if all the other plebs who can’t afford one of these little cards could kiss the feet of each of our PlusCard holders on the way out, that would be lovely.”
IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING! Seriously, during one bored flight I was reading on the back of the seat what this upper class breed of EasyJetter is entitled to when they brandish their orange card and it’s basically zilch.
You get: Speedy Boarding – which is oftentimes obsolete because they pile you onto a bus and then you’re first on the bus and last on the plane.
Extra legroom- ok so if you are tall this must actually be really useful but I’m pretty average height sooo…
Dedicated check-in desks – The last time I went to Luton I took one look at the speedy boarding desk and laughed because the queue was longer than the bag drop desk. Makes sense?
So that concludes my very in-depth analysis of how to get an EasyJet flight and keep your sanity. Is anyone else a frequent flyer and riled by both their airline and their fellow passengers?